Seven things I am unlikely to achieve in 2006 (even if I wanted to)

1 – Get elected prime minister
2 – Nobel Prize for peace
3 – Write a novel
4 – Get voted Rear of the Year
5 – Ride a horse bareback
6 – Enjoy eating parsnips
7 – Learn Japanese

Seven things I’d have more chance with…..

1 – Learn something new…….anything
2 – Improve life drawing and get someone to pose nude…preferably…….
3 – Sell one my books, or 10, or at least half….
4 – Get away from it all…..even if only for a day
5 – Motor independence….I will do it…….one day
6 – Do one thing I never did before…..ever
7 – Grow bigger melons

Blue

You look good in blue
No, it’s true
It goes with your eyes
How wise
Of you
To choose blue

so this is a memory....

We have a bucket of coal in the hall. Does that mean something? I know what it means here. It means someone couldn’t be bothered to take it out again. But what I mean is, is there some kind of superstitious significance do you think.

Now – I have been stock-taking. It’s something to do with end-of-year accounts and New Year Revolutions. You stand at the tip of one year and it’s a heck of a long way to the other end. There’s nothing written on the pages of the year, it’s an open book. And when you get to the 31st December the book is full, or at least the chapter, or something. So where am I at the end of this year? Wiser – nope. Older – yep.

I want a Revolution from every one of my dear friends reading this. I know that’s cheating a bit really. I should think of some for myself! But I feel laaaaaazy.

My amaryllis has got a little thing poking up – oooh I’m excited already. I like it when things grow. That reminds me I must buy some pea seeds. Actually pea seeds are peas. The peas are the seeds. I like growing peas. One of my favourite treats in the early summer is standing in my plot of land eating peas straight from the pod, and raspberries. Has to be a warm day though. And bare feet preferably.

I definitely need to get out more. The theatre or the flicks or something. Just seems so much effort to do anything in the winter though. And panto sucks! I’m doing this to put off going into the cold room to grind away at the old leg muscles for a bit and I had to change the music tracks so I’m now listening to Smokie. Remember them? Living Next Door to Alice.

Didn’t Christopher Robin go down with that? Or is that just a load of Pooh!

One of those bizarre little moments in life and I slept through it! Apparently the doorbell rang at around 2 in the morning and a couple of ambulance men attempted to enter the house. They had our address but we didn’t have anyone to put in an ambulance so they were forced to go away empty handed. I do hope they were eventually united with their cargo. It just goes to show that there is no point ringing my doorbell in the early hours to attract my attention.

Mind you - the ’87 hurricane. I didn’t sleep through that! I lay listening to roof tiles scraping their way down the roof and watching the carpet lifting and falling in the toilet – it was well spooky!

So to attract my attention in the middle of the night don’t use the doorbell, roll something heavy down the roof. Actually, no, best wait until morning!

Met this chap while out...fairly 'armless!

I tottered out like a little old lady today with my camera, neat little steps, slow little steps. After a truly spectacular fall last year on black ice I was not in a hurry to repeat the painful experience. But I also wasn't prepared to miss out on the possibility of a good snow pic. We don't get much snow here as a rule so we make the most of it. But now I'm in and I don't plan on leaving the house again until I have to drag myself very reluctantly back to work tomorrow.

I'm trying to do something constructive with my time but failing. The most useful thing I can do is make some headway into the huge chocolate mountain.

I just had to break off for a moment while I had a meter man. When I say had a meter man obviously not in any slightly naughty way. He smelt very strongly of aftershave though so perhaps he always prepared. What am I wittering about! Anyway he was too small and skinny for me....... And I haven't touched the Baileys yet - just feeling frivolous as the house is empty for a wee while.

Now where was I? Finding something to do.............

I’m having a huge problem with my reading material. I started reading The Wasp Factory. The trouble is I find the animal maiming hard work so I put it aside for a while. But as I don’t like to leave a book half-read I can’t get on with another book. Soooo in the meantime I have been wiling away the odd moment here and there with The Enchanted Wood and The Faraway Tree. Oh dear that’s bad isn’t it – my credibility as an intelligent woman has just evaporated like the smell of pot pourri after a few days in a bowl. Ah well I was on shaky ground anyway!

It’s the time of year when it’s traditional to take stock. And I don’t mean that in the sense of supping bouillon of course. Casting an eye over the picture of 2005 to assess whether it is a masterpiece or just a pile of Tracey Emin. Apologies to any TE fans – I prefer her column to her art! And time to prepare the canvas that will be 2006 and select our palette of colours. Enough of the art metaphor already! Anyhow only a few days left of this year – is that good or bad?

One red onion, diced and sautéed, with one dessert spoonful of pesto and two beaten eggs will fill 36 little (weeny, weeny size) pastry cupcases. And baked until the topping is firm they are scrummy.

I actually purchased something in the Next sale – another first for this little girl!

Well we have reached the end of Boxing Day without too much aggravation.

Santa was good to me and brought many presents. My mother gave me another cow. The Cow with the Sky in Her Heart. She said the name was kind of appropriate for me. I’ll go along with that. I also had a nice pig. I should maybe have a farm!

I also got a bearded tit. And no I don’t mean I got fluff on me boobie!

I think I must be getting old. I was actually pleased to receive an Amaryllis to grow on the windowsill. I love them with their enormous great big trumpets. Show offs the lot of them.

We did Tesco on Christmas Eve and had the great entertainment of the fire alarm going off and having to leave the store. It was quite fun but I would have preferred it on a day that wasn’t so busy. Reassuring to know that should a fire start and the alarm go off most shoppers will just carry on with their shopping and the staff will drift into a group and ask each other what to do. After that kind of excitement I didn’t feel the need to do any Supermarket Sweep.

I made it through Christmas Eve – it was easier than I thought it would be.

One of the things that gave me most pleasure was my children making each other laugh. Being six years apart and opposite sexes has made it difficult for them to be close in a way. But they manage to have a good relationship now that the age gap is getting less obvious.

That reminds me. Last week I offered to cover a colleague while she went to the hospital for an appointment. It was pointed out to me quite sharply that I would not be getting paid for it. Did I ask to be paid? No. And do you know I actually felt kind of embarrassed because I actually wanted it to do it for the goodwill. People just don’t do that kind of thing! Sad really. What really galled me was that someone who has known me for 9 years thinks I am so mercenary. And I really won’t take that carp about setting a precedent.

I’m rambling a bit really. And sort of disgruntled. And a bit sad. Anti-climax I suppose.

And still waiting for Han Solo

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas everyone!

"There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere . . . " Jane Austen.

Well there are disappointments even amidst the joy of Christmas. The colleague I share office space with was feeling low and periodically wept into a hankie. And the boss was feeling a major lack of festive spirit and even a huge pile of chocolate was unable to bring a little smile to his sad little face. I did my best with my fairy dust but it wasn’t quite enough.

An evening with my elderly aunties will take me into another world altogether. They are lovely ladies, thoroughly nice. The younger of the two has twinkly eyes and a wonderful chuckle and the older one has the most amazing Sussex accent to listen to. Both in their 80’s now. I remember family get-togethers at the house that one of them still lives in. My father being the youngest of nine meant these tea parties were big and I and my sisters were amongst the youngest children. We made card towers on the floor. A lot of red hair in the family so it was like a plate of ginger-nuts.

I will pop back later............

The 23rd of December...

I know this isn't a Chrissie pic but it's on my screensaver slideshow and it's a little piece of paradise...

Are we nearly there yet, are we nearly there yet....

I have my Santa suit ready..........

Took a while to find a reasonable set of lights but they aren't very long so the tree might look a little depressed this year. But we have so much other stuff on there. All those special little things that have memories attached to them. The little origami things my sister made for me when I was a single parent and didn't have a lot of decs. The little felt sweetie holders that my other sister made for everyone even though she doesn't like sewing. The shapes that the children made with me. There are some that are poignant as well because they are from a friend who died. Every year she would give us just one really special tree ornament and I think of her when I put them up. And trees. We have got a whole forest of trees. This years acquisition is a black one, about 6 inches high. Our collection extends to so many boxes it is a marathon just getting it all out of the attic.

I resisted the urge to buy some Cadburys mini-eggs - yes they are out there already!

Just saw a clip of The Time Bandits on TV - great film - must watch that again soon.

The 22nd of December...

Classy stuff

I think, I think I have completed my shopping. But there's always something else isn't there!

But I have done plenty.

I finished knitting the scarf for my mother - was starting to worry that I would still be knitting it on Christmas Day while everyone's waiting to unwrap! 'Yes, yes, just let me cast off and I'll have it wrapped up'

I made home-made biscuits for my elderly aunts - I used to have a really nice recipe for mini-stollen biscuits which were to die for but I long ago lost the tatty piece of magazine it was on. So if anyone knows of a recipe like that I want it!! It was a favourite amongst the aunties.

I made a jolly little santa skirt for me fancy dress effort - not bad really as it usually takes me ages to get around to sewing.

Oooooh I feel really smug and pleased with meself but it comes complete with a thumping headache. Just realised that this post appears very homely and mumsy - ah well I suppose I have to fit a bit of that in somewhere!

Now have you all got clean socks for the morning and a fresh hankie...

The 21st of December...

Make sure you are all stocked up!

Starting to wonder if I should have accepted the offer of a snog from a colleague yesterday....

Tedious........TEDIOUS!!

Well that's a wake-up call! Ok so I know my regular readers wouldn't write something like that but it is a timely reminder not to get stuck in a rut. Oh I'm talking tags BTW!

So I'll try to be a touch more entertaining in future. Ah feck it, I am what I am! Love me as I am or look elsewhere!

So anyway back to everyday stuff. What do we think of nipple tassles everyone? At work we are having a fancy dress effort on Friday and a colleague has offered me her nipple tassles. She said did I want superglue with it........nooooooooooooo way! I think I might have to be a fairy, stick with what you know, but what do you think people?

I have to - have to I tell you - finish off my shopping tomorrow and it's got to that part of the year where panic completely takes over. OMG, just grab anything, anything. It's the first year since like forever that I don't have a stocking to fill on Christmas Eve (and I am not talking fishnet - I could fill a couple of those easy). The girlie wants 50 trees from Oxfam Unwrapped instead of a stocking and I can't argue with that. To fill the gap I did some little fun boxes for some wee chaps which was..........well...fun

Aren't pecan nuts pretty!

Catch yerz all later.........

The 20th of December...

I had a shock last week. I found out that a young woman I know, have known since she was born, is on anti-depressants. She has two little girls who are gorgeous and unbelievably cute. She has a loving husband and a nice home. She is doing a course in a subject she is extremely interested in. She has supportive family and friends who look after her. And yet there is something missing that makes her unhappy or at least unable to cope. Why is life like that? I know that it is – from my own experience – I know that what appears to the outside world as the perfect existence doesn’t necessarily mean personal fulfilment and happiness. But why is it? She is one of the loveliest creatures I ever met, gentle, kind, loving, abundantly generous in her nature and stunningly lovely to look at so why won’t life let her enjoy life as she deserves to. When things were bad last year she was someone I could look at and think, ‘life can be good’. It has saddened me.

It’s got to that part of the year when it is sooooo difficult to keep the enthusiasm going for work. I’m in Christmas holiday mode already and work is like poo right now, it’s good to get it out of the way and you don’t want it hanging around in the same room. Or something like that.

It was a nice day for walking. The dried stalks and grasses are stark, skeletal and beautiful. And the sunset was lovely. The side of Jewsons is painted blue and the sun setting on it made it all different shades of purple and blue. Hm, wish I’d had my camera with me!

We have had a set of fairy lights for years that worked fine and we last year added another set so we had a bit extra. So why the fiddling doodah have both sets decided to give up the freaking ghost this year. I’m almost annoyed!

So what does everyone want for Christmas? I’m making a list and checking it twice. Who’s naughty? Who’s nice? And no I’m not Santa anything, angelic I may be, saintly I ain’t.

The 19th of December...

Now that's one mean pussy!

The Secret Self in the Sky

The heavy weight of oppressed silence
Hangs on our shoulders like lead;
The air sullen with sombre brooding
And the slow death of discontent.

Beyond the room, through the window
There is the sky, azure and endless
And for a moment I picture myself there
A floating, serene fragment of blue.

The 18th of December...

This is an angel! Yeah right!!

I really, really, really hate having blocked ears. Mind you it can make for some interesting conversations with the girlie at the moment. She has the same problem and keeps mishearing me – oh and vice versa of course. Excellent stuff.

I bought myself a book the other day – I got confused about the whole Christmas thing for a while. ‘X-treme Latin’ – it’s well funny. It made me laugh out loud in Waterstones. When I say loud obviously not really loud as then I would look like some nutter! Funny though that I don’t feel so comfortable curling up on the floor to read in Waterstones as I do in Borders. It has a different atmosphere altogether. And Ottakers is somewhere in between and the lattes are very, very big.

I think I have done nearly all the shopping I need to do but there’s always something nagging at the back of the mind. ‘Have I bought something for Uncle Boris?’ Well I don’t in fact have an Uncle Boris, that’s just an illustration. No not a cartoon……although that’s an idea………….

We’ve been to Tesco for our regularly weekly play. The girlie came this time so it was much more fun. Doing the Supermarket Sweep stuff just isn’t the same without her! We stacked and pyramided and tidied up a whole lot of deranged boxes. When I tried a trick one week she wasn’t there a whole bunch of toilet rolls fell on my head and it was a tiny bit embarrassing but it did make a bloke smile as he walked past. And most people just go to shop – how dull is that! I say bring the joy back into shopping.

Did you know ‘baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.’

The 17th of December...

(one for the boys!)

"Virgo - Have your place clean, neat and perfect – just the way you like it. Not that you’re due for a white glove check; nothing like that. You are due, however, to have a surprise visit from someone you really want to impress."

Well fortunately I was out!

And the smell hasn’t gone. I should maybe explain that. We had smoked salmon this evening. Well the lady next door had the salmon and we had the smoke. Apparently she was cooking her fish and writing her Chrissie cards and forgot to check the fish. She must have been writing a heck of a load of cards or she writes slowly. We had smoke lingering in two rooms and the whole house smells of burnt fishy. Nice – not!

I am an ELO fan of old and was listening to this earlier

(The lights go down...)

Lonely
But trying to be so proud
And just as I turn around
The lights go down.–

I used to row regularly to it but I haven’t been as close to the rower lately. I’m getting behind. In fact I’m getting a big behind so……….I feel a New Year’s Resolution coming on!

The 16th of December...

Someone who shall be nameless (but rhymes with welly) suggested I may not be in full control of all my faculties, mentally speaking. So I'm just letting you all know I am not insane. I just didn't have many faculties, mentally speaking, in the first place!!!!!!!

It's all right - only kidding - I am insane. But....

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
Bernard Meltzer

Anyhow I just discovered today that I can still do this

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e1/Yoga_lotus.gif

and I proved it today by sitting on the floor at work and doing the full lotus. Such a show-off! Woo woo. I used to do this as a child and then get up on my knees and walk as well...and I can still do that as well. It was the only thing I could do that my sisters couldn't!

I am listening to Fairytale in New York and I have to smile at the memory of singing this with a good friend last year. It seems to be Early Christmas Morning by Cyndi Lauper that appeals to me a lot this year. Only ten days to go folks. Everyone must have their balls out by now! Ooooooops

Woo woo woo

Now that everyone has gone out I can quit pretending I'm getting on with stuff. I'm poorly, and I'm pampering myself a little! At least that's today's excuse. I do have to go to the factory later but I thought I'd work an afternoon for a change - these days I get to choose when and where I work a lot of the time. But the amount is the same - lots! Not that I'm complaining - I'd better say that in case any of them ever reads this (and you are ALL lovely!). Sycophant - who me?

It's me mammy's birthday tomorrow and she is 70. It's also the anniversary of Beethoven's birthday tomorrow but he would be considerably older than that. And Jane Austen as well I think but don't quote me on that. My mother shares her birthday with illustrious types and who do I share my birthday with, Russ Abbott! Sheeesh.

Here is a little piece of wisdom for the day 'Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines'.
And when it says jet engines that doesn't mean that the engines are black, it means they are on jets, well they may be black of course but they are definitely on jets.
Or are they? We are only told that the engines belong to the jets and that doesn't necessarily mean that they are conjoined. Like this pair of scissors - oh sorry you can't see them, well I'm holding up a pair of scissors - these are my scissors but when I put them down and go out of the room in a minute they will still be my scissors but we won't we be sharing personal space. Hehehe, I bet some of you are wishing I had left the room already. Well you don't know that I haven't. You don't know who is writing this. The scissors could be taking advantage of Jojo's temporary absence from the room (and sanity!) to make use of this forum for some scissor propaganda. Scissors rule!

Enough of this madness, time to iron a suitable outfit for work. Or failing that bung on the usual!

FREE THE SCISSORS

The 15th of December...

Untitled

The fortress rebuilt
The walls were aloft
But you broke them down
And your fingers were soft

"Four things come not back: the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life and the neglected opportunity." This was one of my mother's faves and a regular reminder when we girls were too cowardy to do things! She was right of course - mother's are (I'm still working on my act!!). I look back and it's the things that I didn't have the courage to grasp at that I regret. The things I've done, good, bad or indifferent, or just downright embarrassing (and there's a heap of them), are part of me but the 'what if's' haunt me more. Mind you some of the stuff I have done my mother would rather I hadn't! Enough philosophising already! Jeez.

I feel like crap today - and I don't mean that in the same way as 'I feel like chicken tonight'. My throat is sore and I feel all coldy and thoroughly sorry for myself. On the upside my gum problem sorted itself out so that Christmas snog under the mistletoe.........hold on a minute, I just remembered this is real life so scrub that.

A bit of Bohemian Rhapsody keeps running through my head

Mama, just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead,

Yeah that's the bit. It's like a stuck record going round and round playing the same refrain. Eeeeesh

I had smug moment in a shop today. I was at a checkout behind a 15-stomached whale-woman who had trouble walking through without dislodging all the chocolate bars. I felt quite smug to be able to sidle through with a wiggle and not cause a major chocatastrophe! The moment that made me smile though was watching two elderly gentlemen playing with wind-up toys - it's true they never grow up. Aw bless - couldn't you just eat 'em - well not on top of the kippers, no.

Say g'night to folks Gracey