The days just seem to blur into each other this week. A great long Monthrufriday with some little sleeps in between the daylight hours. Holidays always confuse me - especially if they don’t have a going away part in them but I have been a very busy girl.

It has been a satisfying week in many ways, well so far anyway, and almost perfect if my obsessive/compulsive mind could just let go of that all-consuming anxiety, lodged like a thorn in the back there. Heyho, I am what I am I guess. But enough of that already.

What have I been up to? Well shopping, for starters. The girlie and I trashed Eastbourne yesterday and had multiple bags to accommodate on the train. We didn’t spend a fortune we just got a lot of bags. We were interested in the various modes that shop assistants employ. Some are bored and yawn several times during the transaction to show you how grateful you should be they got out of bed. Some are interrupted from highly important work and have to push aside vast piles of merchandise with ostentatious ill grace. And some are just too damn slow. The woman who was serving us in BHS took so long I had too much hanging about and fell in love with a teddy bear – he waved at me – so I ended up spending ten quid more than necessary. As she then overcharged me as well I felt a sense of desolation as I pointed out the error and had to wait another eon for her to correct it. The row of teddies was long……..
So merit points go to the girl in Top Shop, who was not a scrawny, over-made-up, dolly brain, because she smiled and was sooo pleasant. And also to the chap in Steamer Trading with his merry quipping.

I had a lovely walk in the park today. I haven’t been there for a few weeks I admit but in that time someone has pinched the bench I like. Where there was a lovely spot to sit and look over the field there is now just a patch of concrete – tch. Bummer. But it was really pretty there, sitting or standing, there were buttercups everywhere.

Another of my many BATS hats is Properties Manager. I made the title up admittedly but it my responsibility to look after the Props Store so I guess the title is reasonable. There is just so much accumulated junk though. Props that were used in plays thirty years ago and haven’t been used since. We have spent a few years trying to de-junk. When the previous Properties Manager passed on to tread the boards in the sky, a major overhaul could at last be undertaken and it is still in progress and I was very pleased today to get acres of stuff into clear plastic boxes instead of crumbling cardboard. All in tidy rows. Very satisfying.

If only I could make everything in my life so tidy. It’s a very Virgoan trait though to try and organise all the corners of existence and make them fit a controlled pattern. Control. That’s what is that I can’t do. Control all the elements. Virgos have it real tough sometimes.

I also made a bag out of one my daughter’s old skirts. From when she was six rather than sixteen. Quite groovy.

What a funny old day it has been today. Rain sun rain thunder rain sun thunder rain sun rain sun thunder sun. We have been in and out of the garden all day dodging the precipitation. It got rather squelchy under foot out there but we didn’t give up. I don’t remember seeing the girlie out in the garden for such a long time, so that might be it for the year. She hates the sun so the cloudy bits helped keep her out there. We also popped down to that most exclusive of shops, Woolworths, and bought a nice little tete a tete seat for one of my patios. It was so easy to put together, I was flabbergasted. Of all the cheapie furniture I’ve bought and put together it was the absolute best. Thoroughly recommend that item – only 49.99. We also got a rocking deck chair – groovy. Now if only I could actually sit down for more than five minutes.

I love Woolworths – you can so much junk for your money. We got a great Easter Island statue for the garden – it reminded the girlie of the ones in Labyrinth. “For the path you will take will lead to certain destruction.” We also bought a game, a bit of silliness, Spiral. It involves placing balls on a plastic spiral and not letting them rolling down. I won – I know how to handle balls.

We are now watching the X factor fiasco. Some really toe-curlingly awful moments. And we are flipping back and forth to keep up with BB as well which is equally painful. If I curl my toes over any more I be scratching my heels with my toe nails. Now I know why I go out so much.

The blossom from the May trees rained across my path this morning and lay at my feet like summer snow. In the field the sheep were grazing and gazing, and a mother sheep and her lamb looked up at me as I passed and their faces created the shape of a heart. The wind blew the sun backwards and forwards in shine and shadows over the spring green grass and it was uplifting. Restorative. It made my bout of early morning introspection seem like sour churlishness.

But that bout of blues was the work of the early morning devil that wakes me at 5am and whispers to me of doubts and insecurities and talks in negatives. That and the fecking hormones of course.

It could also be the effect of over-laughing last night. The girlie and I joined my sister and her friend to watch ‘Cooped’. In Brighton at the Theatre Royal.

http://www.spymonkey.co.uk/

I laughed so much my eyes nearly ran out of water and the nudey scene was made even funnier for me because it came as a complete surprise to the girlie and she crumpled, quivering with mirth, until she was gasping for breath.

I have to go……….

RIThompson
has tagged me with this letter meme thing

You have to write 10 things starting with said letter that reflect 'you'.

I've been tagged with the letter 'B'..........

• Butterfly – I flit from one thing to another like a butterfly - which is why I chose butterflies for the front page of my website.

• Bouncy – Well not all the time but I often am. Bouncing back until I run out of bounce I guess.

• Bailey’s - Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

• BATS – I have been in the drama society for quite a bit more than half my life so it’s a big part of me, although I’m only a small part of it. My first acting role was as Doris the maid in The Hollow (Agatha Christie). I was 18 and I was quite rubbish but I have improved somewhat.

• Books – I love to curl up with a book. Currently reading ‘Arthur and George’

• Bat Out of Hell – The best track ever and I can lose myself completely in it, or find myself. ‘Can’t you see my faded levis bursting apart’, what a fabulous lyric. I can scream every word at full volume along with the best of them and I have had quite a few sore throats to show for it.

• Bexhill - I have lived here since I was nine years old. The town is probably best known for the De La Warr Pavilion, a monster of Art Deco design. It’s a building that I find utterly displeasing aesthetically but have been acting in it for about twenty years

• Boobs – Sorry for this slightly crude entry but my sisters both got all the beauty and brains and I got………..

• Boring – The most recent blog tag I acquired and perhaps one of the truest.

• Babes – The best thing I ever did. I may be crap at most things but being a mum wasn’t one of them.

That's my list

Consider yourself tagged if you're reading this post and leave a comment, and I will give you a letter

A couple of years ago I fell into disarray, quite badly. Like a glass ball I smashed into a thousand fragments – well no, not really, but I was shaken about a bit. Two little healing angels were on hand to draw their swords in defence – well, ok, that also is a bit of fairy nonsense but work with me here I’m telling a story for g’ness sake. They each took a hand and walked with me for month after painful month while I rebuilt the chaos that is my inner me. Then one slipped off to skip and play elsewhere and have fun and I stood looking forlorn for a bit. But the other was still there and pulling my other hand gently to go on. Now that hand-holder is off too, gazing at new sunrises. I am standing on the edge of nowhere and everywhere. Can I walk unaided yet? I really don’t know. So over the next few months I will either disintegrate entirely or bounce back. Bounce I should think.

There is more to life than sex I recently said to a friend and his face just bunched up into a big question mark. Well there is. I have been trying to prove that by filling everywhere with stuff and now the cupboards are full and I can’t get anything else into the drawers. More to life than sex certainly but more to life than love? Oh I don’t mean it isn’t on offer it’s just that I can’t feel anything. A crushing numbness.

Why is it that no matter how much polyfilla you try to cram into the gaping chasm of gnawing emptiness, it remains? Eating away like a maggot at the pleasure in the simple things, ripping with tearing fingers at the smile until it stands on the face like a mockery, and tarnishing the gilt of life itself.

Men.
“Who needs them. Well I do, but I need adventures more so it’s on, on, into sunset…” A line I had to say in the play.

I am real cranky. Just a little PMT perhaps.

Where do the days get to? Only two more days and then I have a whole week off. I am more than ready for a break - although technically today was break as it was my day off.

My stress levels need tuning back to normal or my gaviscon intake is going to start eating into my bank account. And my diet is too high in chocolate so I think some quiet time and some sensible eating are on the cards for next week or at least they should be.

Today has been a quiet sort of day though, thankfully. I disturbed a wee family of fox cubs when I went out to do a bit of gardening. I didn’t deliberately disturb them of course and they were sooo cute, standing there gazing at me in bemused awe. The rain has made everything very lush and verdant out in my little piece of paradise. So many glorious lovelies to stroke, and sniff. I’m a lot inclined to be touchy feely out there so I have to make sure I don’t grow too many nasties. I ordered a dumpy bag of shingle in a moment of abundance which tomorrow, when it arrives, will start to look like a lot of hard work and seem a lot daunting. The last time we had a dumpy bag it took an age to empty and enthusiasm disappeared very quickly but I need the exercise I suppose.

We had another rehearsal tonight. A scene in which I have to play a starving woman. Oh yeah, how convincing! I do not look as though I go hungry – ever. Especially after the choccie bics. It’s biscuit baking week this week. I made a couple of batches for rehearsals and now the girlie has informed me that her friend at college would really like some biscuits for when they have finished their psychology exam – and like the girlie doesn’t want them too! They are fab biscuits though and always so popular – one of those recipes that I wouldn’t be without.

Going back to dancing this week after a three week break was great – leg achey but great. But no fair to be having to learn a brand new dance with completely different steps. My brain can’t take in tooooo much.

Today’s golden oldie ‘Yes sir I can boogie’ – Baccara. Oooh and I can!

The king is dead, long live the king………..the play is done, onto the next play. I have just returned from a rehearsal for Pericles, Prince of Tyre. I don’t have many lines in it and I don’t appear too much so it should be a lot easier on my stress levels but I think I can excel as a ‘maker of waves’. It was the Nolans wasn’t it who weren’t keen on making waves, let love run smooth babe. I resisted the urge to download that – that would be a step too sad, even for me.

Hubby also got in late from a rehearsal (for something entirely different) and asked me to take a photo of him. It’s a little late in the evening for such requests. I have had to take quite a few head and shoulders shots of people for plays and it is always the same with the men, they are never satisfied with their pics and could I just take one more and one more and……….. I don’t know what they are expecting to look like but obviously when they see that they don’t look like Tom Cruise they are somewhat disappointed. The women are invariably far more sanguine.

I keep getting double-ups on my events. This evening I had a text from my sister asking if I’d be interested in Status Quo at the Beer Festival – yay, of course. But it’s the same day as Crawley Folk Festival. No contest of course, the Quo wins hands down but if only I could be in two places at once. Perhaps I could have one of those things Hermione has in whichever Harry Potter film it was. Still it’s good to keep busy.

It was soooo windy today that a couple of times a gust nearly whisked me away – I wouldn’t have minded being whisked away somewhere warm though, and somewhere a lot less windy.

I got it bad for Chain Reaction (the Diana Ross version) at the moment. It must be some kind of illness – I keep coming up with these oldies. At the moment though I also have a couple other tunes floating in and out, Sister’s Are Doing it for Themselves (Eurythmics) and Blue Monday (New Order) but that is because all week I have been walking on stage to the accompaniment of those!

Well, the play is in the bag and I am glad to put it away really. There was one part of the play I had to ‘cry’ and it was close run thing as to whether I did it for real or not. The stories that emerge in the play are quite moving and nearly all are about women achieving success, fame and even notoriety but at great personal cost and sacrifice. You can’t help getting a lump in your throat when another character is talking about being stoned to death after giving birth and the baby killed too - even after the seventh telling in a week.

I don’t think I have ever had to play a character where I had so little of myself to draw on. Marlene is a tough, determined, ambitious, successful Thatcherite woman who ditches her baby to climb the career ladder to the top. The only similarity between myself and her being that at a similar age (late teens) I found myself pregnant. But I chose a completely different life path - I chose a path though that has left me with very few regrets, unlike Marlene. I chose wisely.

Now that’s a favourite quote – ‘He chose poorly’, the old knight in The Last Crusade.
As the baddie man’s face falls off. Yep, he chose poorly alright. I should think he felt very poorly after that.

Yesterday I bought myself a cow dangly for my mobile phone – got it from the Cow Phone Warehouse (still not funny – I know!). All week I have had to skirt round the piece of beef on my plate (in the play) – the mercy being that without my glasses I couldn’t really see it properly. I had to go by the colours. Green – safe – lettuce. White – safe – potatoes. Brown – danger – meat. I don’t eat beef. Nothing to do with BSE. I like cows and I don’t think I will ever be able to wipe those pictures of the mass slaughter, which littered the news for far too long, from my mind. Hence I don’t beef.

So here is my favourite line from the play that I had to say

‘And I support Reagan, even if he is a lousy movie star, because the reds are swarming up his map and I want to be free in a free world.’

Whoosh – crescendo. Ok so every night I wanted to break into singing ‘I Want To Break Free’ – as did my co-star! – but it was great line to say.

Lady Nijo, Isabella Bird, Marlene (myself), Pope Joan, Dull Gret, (and the over-used prompt!)

1. NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT ?
I have a wee mark next to my left eye where I hit myself on the corner of a table when I was a little person – I was lucky, any nearer my eye and oopsie.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS OF YOUR ROOM?
Paint – mostly quite bold colours. The Faraway Tree is still being painted in the lavvie
3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
It looks like what it is – a dungball in a dress – oh sorry that’s BA
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TOO?
Today’s top tune is ‘I want to break free’
5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
Daisies growing between two paving slabs – took it a couple of weeks back.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Sunshine
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Most things – I have no aim at all. I was so bad at tennis at school I was made to play against the wall, it always won!
8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
9.40pm
9. There is no number 9 – why?
10. WHAT ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?
His partner
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
I used to – now I see it as a grand way to hide my blemishes.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Juliet Stevenson – Damn that Truly, Madly, Deeply
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?
Ghost
14. WHAT TYPE OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Just so long as they have eyes……………..
15. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
Only paracetamol – anything else makes me worse.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee………….please
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Mushroom – and nobody else in the family does so I never get it.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A slice of bread and butter – there’s no bread left and I crave
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I don’t think I generate that kind of feeling – irritation perhaps and that would be hubby.
20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
The language of love – only kidding!
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT THAT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
Life
22. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
What fancy, you mean? Yep.
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
nope
24. FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Don’t go for brands really – Wallis and Monsoon are my favourite shops
25. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?
I don’t drive – cars do nothing for me.
26. Again, no number 26, what the?
27. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
I done it twice – I think that’s more than enough.
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Love is love and it falls where it falls
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
In all the little unspoken everyday things
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
94
31. BLONDES OF BRUNETTES?
Not redheads then!
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?
Hate telephones really but if I have to call, it’s usually to home when I’m not in it.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
I don’t suffer fools gladly
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF ENGLAND?
Twice this year.
35. YOUR WEAKNESS?
Chocolate
36. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Chocolate
37. FIRST JOB?
Selling ice cream on Eastbourne Pier
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
no……………..
39. WHAT WHERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS FORM?
Performing in a play
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I would have my apron removed – ok so my babes gave it to me but there are some presents that you can do without.
41. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN IN LOVE?
I’m always falling in love……….with the idea of love usually. There is only one man I have fallen for more than once………..more than twice come to think of it!
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT THE MOST?
People applaud when I leave the room.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
I don’t need alcohol – never have
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A nice day
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
I am quite happy with the two I have – they are lovely
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Well, it wasn’t Josephine Baker or the Empress Josephine
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Not any more – too many disappointments.
48. WHICH OF YOUR FINGERS IS YOUR FAVOURITE?
I don’t much like my fingers as they are pudgy and unfeminine
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
There are some lines in the play that have me pretty close, but then I cry easy.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, sometimes
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE VEGETABLE?
Butternut Squash
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Loads
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Erm………………
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Not many people can take me as a friend, me included.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
I am the worst secret keeper – ever!
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Not a bit
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Banging things around is good.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Cornwall
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Yes. Consequently I get hurt a lot
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
A teddy called Dad-ted
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
I never counted – not many though
62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
The lowest form of wit? Why of course, if nothing else works.
63. Again with the missing question…….
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Nope.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Kindness.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICK NAMES?
Jojo – hah!
67. WHAT IS THE MOST PAIN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?
Childbirth maybe.
68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Only if they have laces
69. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SPILLED?
Milk – I cried
70. Another one missing!!!!!
71. WHATS THE LAST FURRY THING YOU TOUCHED?
My pussy.
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOURS?
Blue and purple.
73. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS/SINGERS?
Steeleye Span, Meatloaf, Status Quo………..
74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
1 above and 1 below the gum
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Yeah go on
76. WHO ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The computer fan
77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
2 rice cakes
78. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My boy – at last!
79. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes
80. FAVOURITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
Too many
81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE?
Hate? Me?
82. FAVOURITE DRINK?
Sparkling water
83. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN?
Virgo
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT?
I do not understand the question
85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR?
Brown
86. EYE COLOUR?
dark blue.
87. Missing in action again.
88. SIBLINGS?
Two sisters, both younger.
89. FAVOURITE MONTH?
September
90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Don’t know.
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
About five minutes of Corrie but had to leave before anything nasty could happen – I am such a baby – it’s fiction for goodness sake.
92. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
A good one
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Yes, yes, yes
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer, because of SAD.
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
In desperate need of both.
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS?
Not sure about either really – still in a hurt place
97. WHO IS MOST LIKLEY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
People like me who can’t think of anything else to write at the moment
98. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
A goldfish.
99. BIGGEST FEAR?
Getting too old to move
100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
I wish! I’m not sure anyone ever has been although hubby would probably disagree. I don’t think anyone has ever really known me well enough to be.

I am assuming of course that the person tagged me as boring will not be reading this and has moved onto the far more interesting blogs around. It’s fine. It’s tempting to remove the tag but obviously people do need to be warned about possible tedium so I will leave it place. Like a red flag on the beach, it’s good to know where the sinking sand is. Read at your peril. If you die of boredom don’t come running to me…..

So. It was first night and it was absolutely not too bad. We did some interesting acrobatic work on the script, flipping backwards and forwards and spinning round in circles. But the first one in the bag is always a good thing. The best bit in the play is having to eat some profiteroles. I have to eat them. Have to. S’great! I think by Saturday evening I won’t want to look at another profiterole mind you.

It chucked it down this evening, a good idea to enjoy these rainy spells in view of the upcoming drought. I could do with a few more rain butts so I can keep going through the stand-pipe season. I can flaunt my water then.

My day off has been a bit stressy but then I think today was going to be stressy whatever and now that we have done one perf I can relax a little bit, and perhaps enjoy myself. But there were bright spots. A baby fox spent some time investigating the garden; he/she was soooo sweet and wee and wanted to play with my old pussy. Sylvester wasn’t up for that though and hid himself behind the pond. He is turning into a grumpy old man. He’ll be whinging on the telly next.

A fellow cast member was going to record the big brother bonanza so she can just about keep up with colleagues discoursing on same. I shall have no idea of course; I dare say someone will let me know if there’s anything big going on. Won’t they?

I hate photos of myself. I curl up inside when I look at them. Hubby just took a whole load of photos of the play in rehearsal and I had to skip very quickly past the ones with me in. The rehearsal itself was better than the previous evenings but to be confronted with a lot load of photos when I got home depressed me a little. I have been having a badly-lacking-in-confidence-day today. Like Tigger I have lost my bounce. I need a Pooh to help restore my bounce – so to speak!

I guess the damp day didn’t help - dreary skies and chilly round bear knees, sorry, bare knees.

I have tomorrow off though so I can catch up with stuff. Like housework. There’s nothing like hosting an after show party to spur me into tidying up a bit. Actually, a lot. And it’s my boy’s birthday tomorrow. I should maybe give some thought to the 23 years of love and joy he has brought me. He’d be soooo embarrassed to have me say that!

I have to tell you the story of the polite notice putter-upper at our factory. She is a lady very keen on polite notices but she doesn’t always ‘see’ what she has said. Like today when she told staff that she would have to put up a notice above the shredding machine because other people are not using enough lubricant and aren’t emptying the sack enough. Is it just me or is that going to make people laugh whenever they look at it!

Polite Notice as seen in an office somewhere -
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Well another rehearsal down, only one more and then we are on. It’s always at this stage that I seriously wonder why I do this for recreation. I can’t take the pressure – I want to get off the train for bit.

Today a school party was touring the theatre (during the day not in the evening) and we of the company were asked if we could be on hand to answer some of the children’s questions. Questions like ‘have you ever forgotten your lines’ hmmm.
I was in light mode this morning and reached out a hand to shake that of the stage manager – boy, did he have a strong grip, which he maintained just a fraction longer that etiquette requires. If I was dangling off the edge of a stone thingy like Frodo in LOTR this guy’s hand would be very reassuring to be hanging onto.

It is my pussies 5th birthday today and she has celebrated it in the same way she spends most days. Sleeping. She has feasted on pouches of finest Whiskas and slumbered in her favourite spots. I can’t imagine a better way for a cat to celebrate – she was talking about visiting the queen but in the end she didn’t want to waste money on the train fare. Especially as she could buy a huge stack of fish with the money instead…………

I don’t think today was a particularly good or successful day. It wasn’t bad either but it wasn’t a day where I stand at this end of it and say ‘wow, what a good day’. Like the curates egg, good in parts…………….or not! A workaday day.

Just had a shit rehearsal so I guess that probably hasn’t helped. But somehow today the rape field seemed less zingy, the tunes on the iPod weren’t bouncy enough, work was ok but not great, you get the picture. I really want to curl up with my friend and just have a chat about fluffy stuff. But it’s just not the day for it.

The only positive note of the day was that I came up with my grand idea. Oh and I turned the kitchen table round.

My grand idea will need a little more thought and planning but it should keep me busy for the next twelvemonth but with my concentration span being what it is I can’t imagine for one moment that I can see something through for a whole year. So I’ll keep hold of it for a while before I start unveiling.

It was very satisfying sweeping the garden paths today, very therapeutic, very calming. Perhaps I need a whole lot more paths to do. I could offer myself around, anybody with a garden path need me?

Porta-shade.

This is an idea I suggested to the girlie on the way back from work/college the other day. She was complaining about the absence of shade on the long walk – she doesn’t have a great love of sunshine, being very fair. So I came up with this little plan for her to always have a little shade……

Well it’s either that or a parasol.

Yesterday my sister and I trailed the open artists’ houses in Brighton. Well not all of them but quite a large selection. There was some pretty groovy stuff so I thought I would pass on some favourites.

Wood carving is fascinating and there is something rather lovely about working with wood I should think, so…

http://www.ahtibat-sculpture.co.uk/gallery.htm

Scroll down and take a look at ‘The Lovers’ – beautiful.

We bought some soap from this one, she was sooooo sweet.

http://www.brightonsoap.com/

Park Bench. A drama exercise that was very popular with the youth drama group I used to run with my sister – back in the days we had time to spare! Two or three characters on a bench at a time and act your way onto and off the bench again.

On Friday the girlie finished college early and sent me a text that read ‘Text me when you get to the bench – I have something for our lunch’ – we are ladies that bench!

I went out to have a breath of fresh air this afternoon. Not only was my favourite swing being used – by a woman with even more grey hairs than I have – but the bench at the top of the field was also in use. It meant I had to revert to the bench overlooking the pond which I have been less keen on sitting on since the doggie last year tried to pee on me while I sat there. It was ok, there was no doggie today. I always think of my daughter looking beautiful in the warm golden evening light of summer when I sit there.

It was planted in memory of Roland. I don’t know who Roland was but I would rather like to think of him as rather dashing, the kind who would kiss one’s hand, murmur charming nothings, produce a large box of chocolate……erm, where was I.

Benches can rather good for trysting. The location is of course very important as is the amount of planting round the bench…………………I have found.

Last year when we were in Edinburgh and grabbing lunch between dashing off to watch different shows, there was a lot of over-benching going on in the centre of town. Every bench was at saturation point with people, lunch and wasps. Not only the benches were full but any low slung wall that could comfortably accommodate a pair of cheeks was packed to capacity. With over-spill onto any patch of grass that wasn’t too damp under-butt.

Benches are a portal into another world, according to my daughter, and maybe she has her finger on something there.

I have seen a kiddy bench in a shop somewhere which I think I ought to buy for the cats. I provided a bench in the garden for the human element of the household. They never sit out in the garden so that was a waste of time and money but the cats do sit out a lot more and the wee bench would be so much fun. I shall ask them what colour they would like. Black and white maybe.

To bench or not to bench, that is the question………..

Well that’s it for sunshiney days I guess, it was nice while it lasted. I had a good couple of hours in the garden this evening, cutting down brambles, and a bit of rain will freshen it all up again nicely. I should have been going out for a meal this evening with my Morris chums but it has been postponed. I was so looking forward to going out just for an evening of relaxed pleasure to get away from the stress of learning lines etc so it’s a bit pooey really.

I had a lazy afternoon though, curled up on the sofa with the girlie and dozing away in front of Green Wing and then Truly, Madly, Deeply. All that snotty crying! No, not us, although my eyes were sneakily leaking – I’m such a cry baby. I must have been drinking too much water I think; my eyes keep getting a bit leaky. Daft cow.

Hubby came back from a day in France and broke the iron – so that’s a help. Better not need anything pressed tomorrow. But as he brought back a whole pile of pains au chocolat the iron incident can be overlooked – at least until we have finished the pastries.

I was pondering the whole walking on broken glass thing on the way home. As I was walking barefoot along the pavements, which were twinkling with fragments of green and clear glass, in fact. It’s one of those things people say they would do for someone else, like walking on burning coals etc. to prove the extent of their love. I’m not sure how I would react to someone walking on broken glass, OR burning coals come to that, for me. I would probably be a little cross and say ‘well that was silly, you’ve got blood all over the carpet and it’s a bugger to shift’. Well I wasn’t walking across glass to prove anything to anyone, I was just too idle to put my shoes back on after the grass ended, but I have to say it was a piece o’ piss. Not a speck on blood on the carpet! No, if anyone wants to show me the depth of their love, chocolate will usually do it just fine……

I had an early up today because I couldn’t sleep so I went to work at some awful ungodly hour like…..well………early, anyway. But going in early had its fair share of bonuses. I saw the boy, driving to work, which I never usually do and he stopped to give me the address of his wish list (birthday soon!) and I saw my daughter’s friend heading off to the station and she was looking very pretty and summery, which she was pleased to be told. And the early start meant I had time to take detour along a footpath edging the rape field and I got some nice photos. Every day I walk past it and think ‘I wish I had my camera’ – so you know what I shall be posting a pic of soon. It does mean though that I am flagging a bit now and unable to make much of an effort with a duster. I should though because my bro in law is coming down for a couple of nights and there are some dusty spots. Who am I kidding; there are whole acres of dust, its not so much a duster I need as a dust sheet.

I saw an old crazy guy today who always acknowledges me in the street - and everyone else as well of course - but today I stopped to exchange pleasantries and it made him smile a lot, which was nice. Sunny days like this make it very easy to be cheery even when stuff is stressing away at the back of your mind. Like the play, a stressor of humungous magnitude right now. Like worrying that I have done or said something amiss and upset someone – it happens. Like……………..

But the sky is blue and the birds are singing and my heart can’t help smiling…..choccie anyone?

A day of warm moments.

The pleasant moments of my day then, were….

~~~Happily giving half an hour of my time to an over-stretched colleague when I looked into work to catch up with another colleague.

~~~Dancing barefoot along the grass on the way home listening to something bouncy and enjoying the horse chestnuts in flower.

~~~Curling up on a blanket on my only partly bald new lawn with a nice lunch and a good book.

~~~Proffering a plate of home-made biscuits to the girlie’s revision companions and seeing their faces full of wonder.

~~~Walking in the park in the glorious evening light.

I am a simple soul and easily pleased.

I felt good to be - just be - today.

Tomorrow is thankfully my day off – I need a bit of time to catch up with myself.

I think a walk in the park might be in order so I can take my script and learn my lines. They are coming along but progress is slow and I don’t have much longer to learn them. Perhaps I’ll take a rug and a friend. After all………

Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse--and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness--
And Wilderness is Paradise enow.

On seconds thoughts the wine might be a supremely bad idea.

It will depend very much on the weather of course as rain would make the pages soggy, and would also dampen the enthusiasm of the lovely friend.

There are also a million and one other little things to do but they are all small and easily achievable.

I should have been dancing tonight but have to give myself over to rehearsals & performances for the next two weeks so no dancing – aaargh – I shan’t know what to do with my stick by the time I return – oh boy. The bells are still, the hankies folded and dancer walks.

I was listening to a track today – a soft lilting song which the audience joined in for the chorus – it was like listening to a big warm blanket of a cuddle. It was a nice thought. I felt warmed.

The sky was moody and dark against the rape today – so spectacular.

Cow parsley in the hedgerows. The stalks are almost black – making the white lace froth more effective.

Do you ever feel you want to shake someone and hug them at the same time because they are lovely but infuriating.

On the iPod – Tease Me (Shaka Demus and Pliers)

Chocolate of the Day – Star Bar

The Word for the Day = Plashy http://wordsmith.org/words/today.html

Well as you can see I have returned from my foreign travels. If you can call a couple of days in Madrid that. It was a busy coupla days but had some splendid moments. As it’s my last jolly planned I’m glad it was a good time. Europe’s largest hotel was a rather uninspiring place to stay though and I could happily have had the loud and supremely selfish group of jerks who woke me up at 7.30am on a Sunday morning after my very brief sleep removed to a different place – preferably the sea.

We were planning (as family) to go to Paree in half-term but it’s on hold until later in the year because the girlie has stuff going on so I have don’t have any holiday to look forward to at the moment either. Ah well I have enough to keep me busy. And its bluebell time so I think a trip to Arlington to inhale acres of bluebells would be nice. And it’s the month for visiting Brighton to look into the art festival. And the play is on next week. And…….See…….

Best iPod moment today – I Touch Myself (The Divinyls)……..again…….while walking past a field of glorious yellow rape with the sky a pretty summer blue and nobody close enough to hear me singing along – I hope. That would be a little bit embarrassing….

The boy just sent me some pics of the Morrising on Bank Holiday – the best one of the group happens to have me hidden entirely, hence it’s the best pic! But I’ll pop it on blog sometime…….

1) How long have you been blogging on here?
Since August 2005 – Jeez, where does the time go? My first post read ‘I ate six Jaffa cakes today’. Start as you mean to go on.
2) How long did it take you to feel part of the community?
About 5 mins – in blog time.
3) Who were your earliest friends on here and do you still keep in touch?
Ormone, Helly and Jun were the first to offer blog friendship and CasaB the first I asked. Yes still in touch, I nicked this from Helly! Miss Rick in blog though.
4) If you left Blog, would you miss anyone from here?
Everyone

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