Last night a clapping dance was introduced to the proceedings. Oh this was at Morris practice by the way. The old hands have done that sort of thing many times before of course but it was the first time I have tried one. It was the final straw. It is difficult enough for me to co-ordinate my hands and feet with each other and that is without working out where sticks or hankies should be at any given moment but add blinking clapping and its the end for me. I don’t think my left/right confusion helps at all. I am keen and I am a regular attendee and I remember most of the moves with almost mathematical precision but at the end of the day I lack confidence, or just the bravado to bluff my way. The key is to enjoy it and I do – even though I may not realise it until afterwards.

I had a rather vain moment at the swimming pool today. The place has been refurbished and as part of the new regime they have introduced swipe membership cards with a stored photo. So today I had to have my picture taken by the lad on the desk. He said he could leave it until I had my swim if I wanted but I said no, I look better before. I was thinking of the effect the chlorine has on my eyes, turning them into blinding red beacons which really would look bad on a computer screen. I said to him ‘that sounds really vain doesn’t it’ – I suspect he agreed but he didn’t say anything. If I’d known I was going to be photographed I could have applied some slap! There is one great advantage to my myopia in the swimming pool environment and that is that everybody is a blob, with fuzzy edges and few flaws and a bit like a child I always think other people see me in the same way. So much more comforting.