For the best part of the week I have been portraying the alcoholic wife of a vicar – on stage that is. Which is a struggle for someone who takes very little in the way of alcohol. Tonight however, I am a little bit pissed and a lottle bit woozy and it is always dangerous to post when piste or pissed or whatever.

In the morning I felt somewhat dreary as I still hadn’t managed to do complete my monologue using all the right lines in all the right order but it’s all over with now anyway and I did another two performances and still didn’t get it totally right so I have downed a few large glasses of wine in an effort to obliterate the ignominy.

It has led to my Ides of March Decisions…..

1. Don’t do another play for a long while – until the after effects of this one have long faded – so not before next week basically.

2. Stop thinking about – whatever I am thinking about – as it isn’t worth it and is less use to me really than a fart in a Jacuzzi

3. Don’t attempt to deal with this by getting yet another fecking hobby

4. Start to value my real worth

Yeah, like I will remember that tomorrow.

With it being such a small cast in such a small play, small setting and that, I didn’t expect the after show party to be anything other than small and it was. Small that is but I have always felt small is not necessarily bad and tonight was no exception to that particular rule. Small is king. Tonight.

It is the drink talking. And the relief.

Man that was a hard four months. I think I need to lie down before I start to remember how many times in the last hour I have slurred my sentences. S’funny but when I close my eyes everything is moving about…………….