You know when you get a really beautiful fruit. Flawless and perfect. And then you bite into it and the inside is all rotten and maggoty.

Reminds me of this quote from Dirty Dancing “You know how you feel when you see a patient and you think he's all right...then you look at the X rays and it's nothing like you thought?”

A couple of times in the last week I have been saddened by the reality of the lives of people that I thought were ok and reasonably happy. A nice family I know have been turned upside down in turmoil because their youngest child has been inveigled into shop-lifting by a manipulative ‘friend’. The other scenario involves another friend and the destructive power of a damaging relationship. It hurts to see people hurting. It hurts to see people hurting each other. It has left a nasty taste in my mouth and I feel so inadequate and impotent. To all my friends that hurt xxx.

I have just realised that I have escaped another night from the impending telephone call from The Hungarian. I have been tortured for months by the prospect of her call. A couple of times (the other night included) I managed to fob her off but I know she will return to haunt me. I made the ridiculous mistake last year of saying to the nice Hungarian lady who was doing a Pampered Chef party that I might like to host one myself some time. I meant ‘might’ as in ‘not really but too polite to say so’. I am totally opposed to these kinds of things. Where you invite people you call friends to come to your house to look at a lot of over-priced kit and expect them to spend money they may not be able to afford on stuff they probably don’t really want but feel obligated to buy because you invited them round and gave them a glass of wine and called it a party and all with idea of earning yourself some freebies (or at least half-pricebies). Actually when I was talking about it to a friend at work she said if I did go through with it she would definitely come along so maybe…..and maybe if there was a charitable outcome it would not upset my principles as much.

Went swimming today but it was less enjoyable as there were too many other people, in fact I don’t really like there being any other people. On a few rare occasions I have had the supreme pleasure of being entirely alone in the pool. The stillness is amazing with just me rippling the water. But today was frustrating as I was in a lane behind a woman who was swimming just that little bit slower. I’d set off when she was half way and would catch her up by the end, so I’d have to wait for her to get half way again or run the risk of her toes up my nose. I don’t like a break between lengths and would she let me go ahead of her – no of course not.

Then I had an enjoyable few hours at work. On Tuesdays I do my little add-on job. I work as many hours as is needed, could be one or it could be six, start when I like and finish when I finish and work entirely on my own on the first floor. I wouldn’t want to do that all my working days but it is very pleasant for one day a week. It suits the me that likes to be flexible and hates too much structure. The me that doesn’t want to be part of a group and likes to work to my own timetable. The me that doesn’t basically like being told what to do and when to do it. The rest of my working life conforms to the other me, the more Virgo me. Mind you I still struggle with that whole obedience thing. At first glance I appear to be quite biddable but my colleagues know better than to tell me what to do. Ask is fine – tell is bad.

This evening saw the return to dancing, I did miss it last week. It was a fantastic feeling to jerk me hankies around again. We had some new people come along and it was a novel to be an ‘old hand’ – up until then I still felt like a beginner myself. We are doing some really nice dances at the moment so it’s great.

I rounded the day off with a long walk home from dancing. It rained towards the end so I got soaked, literally to the skin, but even that didn’t bother me. I think today was quite satisfactory.

One improvement would have been a bit more chocolate…